I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
false alarm. still invincible.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
