I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Randomize
