Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
