Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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