I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
