I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I believe in your delicious
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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