Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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