Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
