Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
