I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
