did you get engaged???
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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