So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
