i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
