If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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