This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
