i love accidental penises.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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