Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were destined to go to rehab together
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
