Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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