I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
