I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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