The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
