The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
