there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
