all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
