If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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