so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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