you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
