hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
