Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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