Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
