thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
