I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
