checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
