after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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