Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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