I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
