And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
