i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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