ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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