I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
