so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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