sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
