you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
