I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
