There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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