Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
