Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
