I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
