My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
