I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
