i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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